Success Common Sense

How to Begin a Conversation

Dynamic communication skills are one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss inStraight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three basic, but very important, skills: conversation, writing, presenting.

Several years ago I read an eBook by Dennis Rivers, called Cooperative Communication Skills for Success at Home and at Work.  I came across the eBook in my files the other day.  Chapter 2 really caught my attention.  It is entitled “Explaining Your Conversational Intent and Inviting Consent.”  Dennis makes some common sense, but seldom seen, points about conversation skills in it.  In summary, he says, “Make sure that you tell the other person what type of conversation you want to have.  Ask him or her if he or she is ready to have this type of conversation at that time.”

Check out some of what he has to say…

In order to help your conversation partner cooperate with you and to reduce possible misunderstandings, start important conversations by inviting your conversation partner to join you in the specific kind of conversation you want to have. The more the conversation is going to mean to you, the more important it is for your conversation partner to understand the big picture. If you need to have a long, complex, or emotion-laden conversation with someone, it will make a big difference if you briefly explain your conversational intention first and then invite the consent of your intended conversation partner.

Why explain? Some conversations require a lot more time, effort and involvement than others. If you want to have a conversation that will require a significant amount of effort from
the other person, it will go better if that person understands what he or she is getting into and
consents to participate. Of course, in giving up the varying amounts of coercion and surprise
that are at work when we just launch into whatever we want to talk about, we are more
vulnerable to being turned down. But, when people agree to talk with us, they will be more
present in the conversation and more able to either meet our needs or explain why they can’t
(and perhaps suggest alternatives we had not thought of).  Many good communicators do this
explaining intent/inviting consent without giving it any thought. They start important
conversations by saying things such as: “Hi, Steve. I need to ask for your help on
my project. Got a minute to talk about it?” “Maria, do you have a minute? Right
now I’d like to talk to you about... Is that OK?” 

When we offer such combined explanations of intent and invitations-to-consent we can help
our conversations along in four important ways:

First, we give our listeners a chance to consent to or decline the offer of a specific
conversation. A person who has agreed to participate will participate more fully.

Second, we help our listeners to understand the “big picture,” the overall goal of the
conversation-to-come. Many scholars in linguistics and communication studies now
agree that understanding a person’s overall conversational intention is crucial for
understanding that person’s message in words and gestures.

Third, we allow our listeners to get ready for what is coming, especially if the topic is
emotionally charged. (If we surprise people by launching into emotional conversations, they
may respond by avoiding further conversations with us or by being permanently on guard.)

And fourth, we help our listeners understand the role that we want them to play in the
conversation: fellow problem solver, employee receiving instructions, giver of emotional
support, and so on. These are very different roles to play. Our conversations will go better if
we ask people to play only one conversational role at a time.

To be invited into a conversation is an act of respect. A consciously consenting participant is
much more likely to pay attention and cooperate than someone who feels pushed into an
undefined conversation by the force of another person’s talking.

It’s not universal, but to assume without asking that a person is available to talk may be interpreted by many people as lack of respect. When we begin a conversation by respecting the wishes of the other person, we start to generate some of the goodwill (trust that their wishes will be considered) needed for creative problem solving. I believe that the empathy we get will be more genuine and the agreements we reach will be more reliable if we give people a choice about talking with us.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Dynamic communicators have mastered three basic communication skills: conversation, writing and presenting.  Inviting people to participate in a conversation and getting their agreement before jumping in is an important, but often overlooked conversation skill.  People who are invited to join a conversation, and choose to do so, are more likely to be better participants.  If you want to become an excellent conversationalist, take a few minutes to explain why you want to have a conversation.  Ask the other person if he or she has the time and is willing to participate in a conversation on that topic.  Your conversations will be better and more productive if you follow this simple common sense advice.

That’s my take on how to begin important conversations.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Hard Work, Outstanding Performance and Success

Outstanding performance is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become an outstanding performer you need to do three things.  First, stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner.  Second, set high goals.  Do whatever it takes to achieve them.  Third, get organized.  Manage your time, life and stress well.

And, it should go without saying, you need to work hard.  I subscribe to the Just Sell sales quotes.  Yesterday, I found this quote from Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point, Blink and Outliers in my in box.

“The people at the very top don't work just harder or even much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder.”

This is true – and something a lot of less than successful people really don’t want to hear. 

The law of attraction …

1. Know exactly what you want.
2. Ask the universe for it.
3. Feel, behave and know as if the object of your desire is already yours (visualize).
4. Be open to receive it and let go of (the attachment to) the outcome.

…is great as far as it goes.  However, I have found that while visualization is important in creating a successful life and career, “behave” is an overlooked word in point 3.  Hard work is the key behavior in becoming an outstanding performer and personal and professional success.

I have a quote by Paul J. Meyer hanging next to the door in my office.  I read it every time I enter or leave my office. 

“Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon... must inevitably come to pass!”

I focus on the words “enthusiastically act upon.”  To my way of thinking, these three words are synonymous with hard work -- a key behavior in creating a successful life and career.  Hard work is the behavior that is often overlooked when it comes to applying the law of attraction.  If you think you can succeed merely by knowing what you want, asking the universe for it and visualizing yourself having it, I think you’re in for an unpleasant surprise. 

As Malcolm Gladwell says, successful people work much, much harder than others.

Hard work is more than long hours.  Sure, sometimes it’s necessary to work evenings and weekends.  However, it’s just as important to maximize the value of the time you spend at work.  Figure out your high brain times and do the most intense work then.  I’m best in the early morning – 6:00 till 11:00 and the late afternoon and early evening 2:30 till 7:30 or 8:00.  I do my writing and thinking then.  I use the mid day hours for exercise, errands and low brain activities.  When are your peak performance times?  If you haven’t already done so, take a few minutes to determine them and do your best to schedule your most intense work then.

Set up systems for managing your work load.  Once you have systems in place, continuously improve them.  Make them better and more efficient so you can get more work done is less time.  In this way, you’ll be maximizing the value of your hard work.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are outstanding performers.  As Malcolm Gladwell points out, outstanding performers are hard workers.  They know what they want and do whatever it takes to get it.  They enthusiastically act on their dreams.  This action helps them reach their goals.  There is no way around hard work.  You have to put in the time and effort if you want to be successful.  Ask any “overnight success.”  Everyone that I’ve ever met tells me that they spent years and years getting to the place where they became an “overnight success.”  Set your goals.  Work hard.  Work smart.  And you’ll succeed.

That’s my take on hard work and success.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Authenticity, Personal Branding and Success

Positive personal impact is one of the keys to personal and professional success I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to create positive personal impact you need to do three things.  First, develop, nurture and constantly promote your unique personal brand.  Second, be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line.  Third, know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.

Mike Robbins has a new book out, Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken.  Great title -- and really true.  As you might expect, it’s all about authenticity.  Personal brands are all about authenticity.  So the advice in Mike’s book is great if you’re trying to create positive personal impact – and you should be if you want to succeed.

I like Mike’s common sense approach to authenticity.  He suggests that there are five principles for becoming authentic…

1. Know Yourself
2. Transform Your Fear
3. Express Yourself
4. Be Bold
5. Celebrate Who You Are

Here are some of Mike’s ideas on each of these principles.

You can get to know yourself by…

• Simply paying attention – to what you do and say and how you react to different stimuli.
• Learning about yourself and personality – use a commercially available personality assessment tool like the DISC, MBTI, Strengths Finder.  I am an MBTI expert.  I can help you better understand yourself by using this tool.  Send me an email if you’re interested.
• Appreciating your strengths – when I was young, words and writing came easily, math and science was difficult.  It took me a while to realize that I would do better in life if I entered a profession where I could use my natural talent with words.

Mike says you also need to…

• Have compassion for your weaknesses
• Accept yourself
• Get feedback

When it comes to fear, Mike says you need to:

• Know it
• Appreciate it
• Admit it
• Own it
• Feel it
• Express it
• Let go of it
• Take action

Great common sense advice.  I have often said that fear is the enemy of self confidence.  After reading Mike’s book, I realize it is also the enemy of authenticity and your personal brand.

Mike devotes a lot of the chapter on expressing yourself to dealing with conflict.  Conflict scares a lot of people.  It can be damaging to relationships.  I have one bit of advice on resolving conflict that I offer over and over. 

When you are in conflict with another person, work hard to find some point of agreement, however small.  Use this point of agreement to help the two of you build a creatively solution to your disagreement.

This is a great way to express yourself positively in a conflict situation.

Mike uses the Dictionary.com definition for the word “bold.”

“Not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring.”

He suggests five keys to being bold in life…

1. Be true to yourself.
2. Live with passion.
3. Step out.
4. Lean on others.
5. Get up when you fall down.

When it comes to celebrating who you are, Mike offers the following advice…

• Make peace with yourself, you’re OK just as you are.
• Forgive yourself – and others.
• Appreciate yourself.
• Honor yourself.
• Own your personal greatness.
• Love yourself

I’ve just covered an entire book in about 570 words.  I haven’t done justice to Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken.  I hope, however, that I have piqued your curiosity.  If you’re interested in developing a unique personal brand, you need to read this book.  Trust me, it’s that powerful and well written.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people stand out by creating positive personal impact.  You can begin to create positive personal impact by developing, nurturing and constantly living your unique personal brand.  While your personal brand should be uniquely you, it should be based on authenticity and integrity.  Mike Robbins’ great book, Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken is a treasure trove of advice on authenticity.  You can’t go wrong with Mike’s common sense advice.  Pick it up, read it and more important, use the valuable advice inside.

That’s my take on authenticity and personal branding.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading. 

Bud

Ron Mallett, Optimism and Success

Self confidence is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become self confident you need to do three things.  First, become an optimist.  Believe that today will be better than tomorrow, and tomorrow better than today.  Do everything you can to make your optimism come true.   Second, face your fears and act.  Procrastination and indecision feed fear.  Action cures it.  Third, surround yourself with positive people.

The most recent Penn State Alumni had an article that featured the life of one of the most optimistic people I have encountered.  Dr. Ron Mallet is a tenured professor in the Physics Department at the University of Connecticut.  He received a BS, MS and PhD from Penn State, my alma mater.    Dr. Mallet has been featured on the NPR show, “This American Life.” Rolling Stone listed his research as the hot theory of 2001.  He’s written a bestselling memoir.  Spike Lee is making a movie about his life.

You’re probably asking, “What theory did Dr. Mallet develop?”  Good question.  Dr. Ron Mallet has mathematically proven that it is possible to travel through time.

Ron Mallet’s father died in 1955 at the age of 33.  He had a massive heart attack.  Ron was 10 years old and devastated.  One year later, he came across the Classics Illustrated version of H.G. Well’s famous novel, The Time Machine.  (I loved Classics Illustrated comics when I was a kid.  They were my introduction to many literary classics.  If I liked the comic book version, I used to go to the Laughlin Memorial Library in my hometown, Ambridge PA, and get the real book.) 

The words on the first page of the Classics Illustrated version of The Time Machine said, “Scientific people know very well that time is only a kind of space.  We can move forward and backward in time just like we can move forward and backward in space.”

11 year old Ron was jazzed.  He figured that if he could build a time machine, he could go back in time, visit with his father and warn him about his heart attack.  He began work on building a time machine – a quest that became his life’s work.

A year later, he came across a book called The Universe and Dr. Einstein.  He was 12 and couldn’t understand a lot of what was in the book, but he did understand one passage.  Einstein had found that time slows down the faster one moves.  The article in the Penn Stater says…

“That meant time could be controlled.  Suddenly, Mallet’s dream wasn’t just based on the cover of a comic book.  There was a possible answer in science, real science, conducted by one of the most respected scientists ever.  ‘I knew that if I could understand Einstein,’ he said, ‘that would be the key.’”

He didn’t have money to go to college when he graduated from high school, so he joined the Air Force.  In his spare time, he did very little but read.  He book used books to learn about binary codes, quantum physics, electrodynamics and relativity theory.  He signed up for correspondence courses is algebra, geometry and solid-state devices. 

He enrolled at Penn State on the GI Bill after he finished his tour of duty in the Air Force.  He studied theoretical physics – hoping to be able to build a time machine.

“That was part of my cover story.  I didn’t have to tell people that I wanted to build a time machine.  I could actually say, ‘I want to be a theoretical physicist.’  It was a perfectly acceptable statement.”  He went on to get his PhD and join the faculty of the University of Connecticut.  He never gave up on his dream of building a time machine.

In 1999, he connected some dots – these dots are a little complicated for a layman like me, but essentially he concluded…

Sir Isaac Newton thought that only matter could create a gravitational field.  But, in Einstein’s general theory, light could also affect gravity.  If light could affect gravity, and gravity can affect time then maybe light could alter time.

Got that?  Read on.

From this point, he spent weeks on calculations eventually proving mathematically that time travel is possible.  It only took him 43 years.

In 2001, he presented a paper at the University of Michigan entitled: “The Gravity of Circulating Light: A Possible Route to Time Travel.”

That got him on NPR and mentioned in Rolling Stone and a call from Spike Lee (one of my favorite directors) that led to the movie about his life that will be out in 2011.

Back at UConn, one of Dr. Mallett’s colleagues is developing a machine based on his calculations.  This machine is being designed to transport subatomic particles through time.  Ron Mallet’s dream of time travel might just become a reality.

I tell you this story because Dr. Ron Mallett is the embodiment of optimism.  He has spent his entire life in the pursuit of something that most people would think is absurd.  Through it all he epitomized the third point of The Optimist Creed – “promise yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and your optimism come true.” 

By the way, if you want a copy of The Optimist Creed that you can frame and hang in your workspace, just like me, go to http://BudBilanich.com/optimist.

The common sense point here is clear.  Successful people are self confident.  Optimism is the foundation of self confidence.  If you want to become self confident, you have to choose optimism.  Dr. Ron Mallett did, and he proved that time travel is a theoretical possibility.  What can you accomplish if you choose optimism?  Think about it.  Then go for it.

That’s my take on Dr. Ron Mallett, optimism and success.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  If you’re interested in getting the full story on Ron Mallett, pick up a copy of his book, Time Traveler: A Scientist’s Personal Mission to Make Time Travel a Reality.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Successful People Build Strong Relationships With Their Colleagues

Tomorrow is Independence Day in the USA.  Happy 4th of July to all of my readers in the US.  I hope you get a chance to relax and enjoy the long weekend.  Cathy and I are headed for the beautiful Colorado mountains for some rest and relaxation.  But for now, on to today’s thoughts about personal and professional success…

Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things.  First, get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand and influence others.  Second, build solid, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life.  Third, resolve conflict positively and creatively, with minimal disruption to your relationships.

Yesterday, I shared a story about one of my coaching clients.  Here’s another one…

James was with his company for close to 30 years and was a very senior executive. He had risen through the ranks and was well regarded by almost everyone who knew him. A couple of years ago, he was asked to resign. 

James became the protégé of a senior manager early in his career.  As the manager moved up, James moved up with him. The manager had great faith in James’ business acumen and his problem solving ability. Whenever a problem arose, James’ manager would ask him to “look into it and fix it.”

James enjoyed these challenges. He was smart, and had an uncanny ability to zero in on what was going wrong. He was equally adept at coming up with solutions to problems.

James had a problem though. Most of the time, the problems he was asked to fix were not in his area of responsibility. They were problems that his peers, other people at his level, who reported to his boss, were experiencing. In pleasing his boss and solving problems, James stepped all over the toes of his peers. They came to resent him for it.

One day, his boss left the company. One of James’ peers was appointed to take his place.  Three months later, James was asked to resign. He was asked to resign not because of his performance. In some ways, it was because he was too competent. He was asked to resign because he hadn’t built strong relationships with his peers. Often, by doing what his boss wanted, he alienated the people closest to him. 

James and I began working together on his interpersonal skills.  James came to understand that it was important not only to do a great job and to fix problems, but to do so in a way that did not alienate those around him.

I’m happy to say that James landed a job as President of a small company in his industry.  We still speak.  He tells me that the secret to his newfound success is not only his willingness to work hard but to build and maintain relationships with people at all levels of his company.

James story illustrates an important point about success.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  They realize that relationships are the key to success.  No one can go it alone and succeed.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people build and maintain strong relationships with the people close to them.  They also resolve conflict in a manner that enhances, not detracts, from these relationships.  If you want to become interpersonally competent put as much effort into building strong relationships with your colleagues as you do in producing good results.  Remember, success depends both on what you do and how you do it. 

That’s my take on the importance of relationships to your success.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Audience Analysis and Presentation Success

Dynamic communication is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to develop three basic but very important communication skills: 1) conversation; 2) writing; 3) presenting.

I’d like to tell you a little story about Pat, one of my coaching clients. 

Pat was very good at her job. So good in fact, that she was asked to make a presentation to the President of her Division and his direct reports on a project that she had brought in on time and under budget.

Pat knew this was a big opportunity to strut her stuff for senior management. She spent hours writing and rewriting her presentation. Then she memorized it. She was confident that she would do a great talk and be on her way to a promotion and even more success.

However, Pat made the mistake of assuming that the President wanted all of the details of her project. She put together a 45 minute presentation. Her PowerPoint slides went into great detail.

A few minutes into her talk, the Division President said, “Pat, we don’t need all of these details, please give us a high level overview. We allowed only 15 minutes for your presentation. We have only 10 minutes left.”

That knocked Pat for a loop. She had memorized her talk, and had real difficulty in deviating from it. She went right back to saying what she had practiced, not what the President had asked her to do.

After a few minutes, Pat’s boss stepped in, and presented the highlights of her project, somewhat saving the day. Pat however, was devastated. She thought she had blown her one chance to make an impression with the President and his direct reports.

She came to me for some coaching on how to become a better presenter. I worked with her closely. One of the tips I gave her right at the start was to always make sure she understood what the audience wanted and expected from her presentation. If she had done this prior to her talk for the Division President, she wouldn’t have prepared and memorized a 45 minute talk. She would have come up with something shorter that hit the highlights of her project.

Pat got a second chance. By then, she had worked hard at becoming an excellent presenter. She wowed the President and his direct reports in her next talk, and eventually got the promotion that propelled her to a great career in her company.

Pat’s story illustrates the importance of analyzing your audience before you create a presentation.  Get to know exactly what they want and are expecting from you and your talk.  Once you do this, you can put together a presentation that will meet their wants and needs – and establish you as a dynamic communicator.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Dynamic communicators are great presenters.  If you want to become a great presenter, you need to spend time analyzing the audience for your talks.  My successful colleagues in the National Speakers Association do this.  They learn everything they can about who is in the audience and what they are expecting prior to crafting a talk.  If you do this, you’ll be able to create and deliver solid presentations that will meet the needs of your audiences, and in the process, gain a reputation as a great speaker and dynamic communicator.

That’s my take on the importance of audience analysis and effective presentations.  What’s yous?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Success and Lifelong Learning

Outstanding performance is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become an outstanding performer, you need to do three things.  First, stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner.  Second, set high goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them.  Third, get organized.  Manage your time, life and stress well.

Recently Forbes.com did a piece on lifelong learning.  While the author, Sangeeth Varghese, was focusing on leaders, he presents some common sense advice that is relevant to anyone interested in creating a successful life and career.

Here’s part of what he has to say…

Learning is like the weather. Everybody talks about it, but nobody does much about it. True leaders, though, can never be switched off to learning opportunities. As John F. Kennedy wrote in a speech he was to give the day he was assassinated, "Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other."

Sangeeth suggests that we should all go through life with “permanent learner's permit.”  He suggests that “we should use our minds to learn from even the most mundane things in life, and thereby they grow unceasingly.”

He suggests three ways to become a lifelong learner.

• Learn constantly
• Concentrate to learn
• Learn through repetition and review

Constant learning is the conscious attempt to learn at every waking moment.  Use down time to think about the information you’ve taken in recently, and to figure out how to use in to advance your life and career.  Even though I have written four books about career and life success and post to this blog five days a week, I keep learning about success.  My writing creates a situation in which I am constantly thinking about and finding new sources of information about success.  This in turn has led me to a deeper, richer understanding of how to become a personal and professional success.  I share that knowledge in these posts and my books.  By focusing on success constantly, I have become more knowledgeable about it.

Focus and concentration are two important keys to learning.  The more you focus and concentrate on a problem or situation, the better you will learn and be able to use the lessons gained from solving the problem in the future.

Finally, you learn from repetition and review.  The more you look at a subject from a variety of perspectives, the more you will learn about it.  Above, I used an example of how I am constantly learning about success from my writing.  I consciously choose to read and listen to what all sorts of people have to say about success.  As a result I find that the more I learn about career and life success, the more there is to know.  I stay alert – always looking for information that is in any way related to success.  You’d be surprised at the unusual places where I find it.  For example I found a great piece of advice on self confidence from Wally Amos in the Costco Connection magazine.  I blogged about it a couple of days ago.  You can see that post here.

Sangeeth concludes his article in Forbes.com with what he calls a Leadership Takeaway. 

Leaders never let their minds shut down. Whatever you are doing at any given moment -- watching the news, working on a business deal, talking to a friend, reading this article -- give it your full attention, and keep on learning.
 

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are outstanding performers.  Outstanding performers stay on top of their game because they are lifelong learners.  Lifelong learners share three traits in common.  They learn continuously.  They use their power of concentration to learn.  They learn through repetition and review.  You can become an effective lifelong learner by tuning in to the world around you.  Keep your learner’s permit up to date.  Give your full attention to what you are doing.  You’ll be surprised at how much you learn.

That’s my take on lifelong learning and success.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud
 

Business Meals and Success

Positive personal impact is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to create positive personal impact you need to do three things.  1) Develop, nurture and constantly promote your personal brand.  2) Be impeccable in your presentation or self – in person and on line.  3) Know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.

Knowing and the basic rules of etiquette are especially helpful when you are invited to a business meal.  Business meals are about business, not the food.  Remember this the next time you are invited to share a meal – whether breakfast, lunch or dinner – with a business colleague.  While it’s important to know dining etiquette, it’s also important to pay attention to what you order.

Here’s a personal story that really makes this point.  It comes from my forthcoming new book 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.

About 30 years ago, I had just accepted a job as the Training Manager for a division of a large company. Our division was located in New Haven, CT, a city with a large Italian population and a lot of great Italian restaurants.

About a month after I began my job, the VP of Human Resources for the corporation was hosting a two-day meeting of all of the senior HR people in the company at our location. Since the meeting was at our location, junior people like me were invited to a dinner held the evening of the first day of the meeting. I was looking forward to this dinner.  It was an opportunity for me to impress some senior people in other divisions.

One of my junior colleagues was a local woman. She was excited about the choice of the restaurant. Of course it was an Italian restaurant. She had been there on special occasions with her husband. She was very fond of a dish called zuppa de pesce, a medley of seafood served over spaghetti. A couple of days before the meeting she told me about that this dish and that it was available for two only and asked if I would be willing to share it with her. I said, “Sure.”

We arrived at the restaurant, and sure enough, zuppa de pesce was on the menu. My friend and I ordered it. What a disaster!

First the waiters brought lobster bibs for both of us. No one else had ordered this dish, so we were the only ones wearing our bibs. When the food arrived, everyone had a dish of pasta, or some grilled fish, or a steak. The zuppa de pesce was served on a silver tray so big that the waiters had to bring a side table for it. There was enough fish and pasta to feed the entire table. My friend dug in and really enjoyed her dinner. I felt like I was a character in The Godfather.

I spent my time trying to carry on an intelligent conversation with people I wanted to impress while I was wearing a lobster bib and working hard to make sure that I didn’t spill any red sauce, or “gravy,” as the waiter called it, on my suit. 

I didn’t lose any points that night – but I didn’t make any either.  It was pretty apparent to most people that I was there for the food, not for the conversation.

I learned a lesson that day. Always order something that is easy to eat and won’t call attention to you as you eat it. I try to be a good friend, and in social situations, I will often share an entrée that is available for two only – but I never do that in a business situation.  Because business dinners are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people create positive personal impact.  If you want to create positive personal impact, you must know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.  This is especially true at a business meal.  Knowing simple things like the water glass is on your right, and the bread and butter plat is on your left, can save you a lot of embarrassment.  It’s also important to order something that is easy to eat and doesn’t call attention to you while you eat it.  Pasta that needs to be twirled, lobster or other shellfish are good things to avoid at a business dinner.  Order simple food, and mind your manners as you are eating it.

That’s my take on what not to order at a business dinner.  What’s yours?  Do you have any amusing stories about business meal faux pas you’ve made?  If so, please share them so we all can learn.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

The Watermelon Credo, Self Confidence and Success

Self confidence is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become self confident you need to do three things.  First, become an optimist.  Believe and act as if today will be better than yesterday, and that tomorrow will be better than today.  Follow the ten principles of The Optimist Creed.  If you want a copy of The Optimist Creed suitable for framing and hanging in your workplace go to www.BudBilanich.com/optimist.  Second, face your fears and act.  Fear is the enemy of self confidence.  Action cures fear.  Finally, surround yourself with positive people.  Find and befriend positive, self confident people.  Jettison the negative people in your life.

I post to this blog five days a week.  People often ask me how I find ideas for it.  The answer is simple, I stay tuned into to message.  I read a lot and often find great advice in some unlikely sources.  The other day the latest Costco Connection magazine arrived in our mailbox at home.  Cathy was going to toss it.  I decided to take a look.  I found some great success advice on page 11.  It came fromWally Amos, founder of Famous Amos Cookies and Uncle Wally’s Muffin Company, and it’s called the Watermelon Credo.

It’s summer time – watermelon is just coming into season.  I had a big bowl of watermelon before I went for a bike ride yesterday.  It was great.  Of course, I am a big fan of watermelon, something I inherited from my dad.  That’s why Wally Amos’ Watermelon Credo caught my eye in the Costco Connection magazine.

Wally Amos says the Watermelon Credo is a “guide that has helped me and others through rough times.  I share it with you in the hope that it will help you through these rough times.”  If you are an optimist, you readily acknowledge that these are tough times.  Yet, you know in your heart of heats that tough times will end.  They will end quicker if you stay positive.

So, in the hopes of helping you stay positive and optimistic in these tough times, I offer you…

The Watermelon Credo

W – Whatever you believe creates your reality.  Believe that life is a positive experience and it will be.

A – Attitude is the magic word.   Your greatest asset is your attitude.  Be positive regardless.

T – Together everyone achieves more.  There are no limits to what we can accomplish together.  I am more that I am but less than we are.

E – Enthusiasm is the wellspring of life.  There is no limit to what can be accomplished with enough enthusiasm.

R – Respect yourself, as well as other.  When you begin to respect yourself, your whole world changes.

M – Make commitments, not excuses.  There is overwhelming power in the words “Yes I will.”

E – Everyday can be a fun day.  Fun is the lubricant that keeps life moving forward.  Laugh a lot.

L – Love is the answer.   Whatever the question, love is the answer.  It’s the greatest force in the universe.

O – One day at a time.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bit at a time.  All of life happens in increments of one.

N – Never give up or become a victim.  You are guaranteed to lose if you give up.  Winston Churchill was right, “Never, never, never give up.”  It works if you work it.”

The Watermelon Credo is fun, inspirational and a great reminder for us to always live life from our highest self.  Do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by events.   Let w-a-t-e-r-m-e-l-o-n remind you that you are larger than events.  You have the power to create and change events by what you believe.

I believe in being an optimist.  Optimism is the foundation on which you can build your self confidence and success.

The common sense point here is simple.  Self confidence is a key to career and life success.  Successful people are self confident.  Optimism is the foundation of self confidence.  Wally Amos, founder of Famous Amos Cookies and Uncle Wally’s Muffin Company, says it well in his Watermelon Credo.  “Whatever you believe creates your reality.  Believe that life is a positive experience and it will be.”  Optimists believe that life is a positive experience.  I believe that life is a positive experience.  Of course, I’m a relentless optimist.  How about you?

That’s my take on Wall Amos, The Watermelon Credo, self confidence and success.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  And, take a few minutes this week, and have some watermelon.  Think about the great common sense advice in The Watermelon Credo as you are eating it.  I’m going to.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Conflict Resolution and Success

Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things.  First, get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand and communicate with others.  Second, build solid long-lasting mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life.  Third, resolve conflict positively and in a manner that enhances, rather than detracts, from your relationships.

Eric Harvey and Steve Ventura are close friends of mine.  Eric is the CEO of Walk the Talk Company, and co-author of the amazing book Walk the Talk: and Get the Results You Want.  Steve is a prolific writer and the editor in chief at Walk the Talk.  His editing and advice have greatly improved the three books I’ve published with Walk the Talk.

A few years ago, Eric and Steve wrote a great book on conflict, What to Do When CONFLICT HAPPENS.  Yesterday they did a recap of it in the Walk the Talk Company ezine, “The Leadership Solution.”  This is a great ezine, you can subscribe at www.walkthetalk.com.

Here’s what Eric and Steve have to say about what to do when you find yourself in an interpersonal conflict that takes you by surprise…

Interpersonal Conflicts … When There’s No Time for Planning

It’s bound to happen. Sooner or later you’ll be caught off guard – finding yourself smack dab in the middle of an unexpected conflict with someone on your team. You’re in it before you know it, and there’s no time for formulating a well-thought-out resolution strategy. You’ve got to respond in some way, and you have to do it NOW! What do you do? How can you keep the situation from escalating and ending up some-where you DON’T want to be? Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Stop, breath, and think. Stop whatever you’re doing, take a couple of deep breaths to control your tension, and then immediately (and quickly) think about exactly what you need to do and say next.
 
2. Acknowledge the conflict by saying something like: Michael, I’m sensing that there are some issues between the two of us that we need to talk through, or, Kim, I’m feeling that I might have done something to upset you. Can we talk about it?
 
3. Buy some time. Suggest that you meet at a later time that day (or the following day) so that you both have an opportunity to relax a little and gather your thoughts. If the other person agrees, use the time to prepare for the meeting. If the person doesn’t agree on a time delay …
 
4. Take it somewhere else (if other coworkers are present). That way, you’ll avoid disrupting the rest of the group – and you’ll eliminate any temptations you and the other person might have to “showboat” or maintain some bogus image in front of your teammates. Suggest a different venue with words such as: It’s best for everyone if we keep this just between us. Where else would you feel comfortable talking?
 
5.  Keep it respectful.  Do your absolute best to conduct yourself in a calm and respectful manner – regardless of how the other person responds. Will it be easy? Of course not! But that doesn’t change the fact that although you can’t control what others do, you certainly can (and do) control your own behavior.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people resolve conflict in a manner that enhances, not detracts, from their relationships.  Focusing on where you agree with the other person is always a good place to begin when you find yourself in a conflict situation.  Eric Harvey and Steve Ventura’s advice – 1) stop, breathe and think; 2) acknowledge the conflict; 3) buy some time; 4) take it somewhere else (when others are present); and 5) keep it respectful – are great next steps.

That’s my take on conflict resolution and success.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud