The Importance of Listening

On the way to an appointment the other day, I stopped into a Barnes and Noble to pick up a book.  I was thirsty and there was a Starbucks in the bookstore, so I decided to pick up a bottle of water.  I’m not a coffee drinker (not because of any health reasons, I just don’t like how it tastes), so I don’t spend a lot of time in Starbucks.

When I got ready to pay, the clerk said “do you have a Barnes and Noble card?”  I heard him say, “do you have a Starbucks card?”  I said “no”, and then I realized he said “Barnes and Noble” and I heard “Starbucks”.  I do have a Barnes and Noble card – it got me a 10% discount on my bottle of water.  For all I know, Starbucks doesn't even have a discount card.

Later, as I thought about the exchange, I realized that I wasn’t paying attention to the clerk.  I assumed he was going to say "Starbucks card" because I was in a Starbucks.  So I automatically answered "no" until I realized what he actually said.  For someone who teaches and preaches the importance of listening, I did a pretty poor job of it.  Poor listening is the biggest reason for poor communication.  So in today’s post, I’d like to present some of my thoughts on listening.

When I think of great listeners, a few people come to mind.  Charlie Rose is one of the best.  If you don’t know Charlie Rose, he hosts a late night talk show on PBS.  While David Letterman and Jay Leno have more interesting monologues (Charlie doesn’t do one), I’ll watch Charlie’s show any day of the week.  First of all, he always has interesting guests, from the world of politics, sports and show business, but then so do David and Jay. 

What sets Charlie Rose apart is his ability to listen.  The set is spare – a round wooden table with a black background.  He and his guest sit at the table and chat.  He has only one or two guests in an hour long program.  One of the things that makes Charlie Rose such a good listener is his ability to interact well with all types of guests.  I remember one show on which he had an NBA star on for the first half hour, and a national politician discussing foreign policy for the second.  During the first half hour, you would have thought that he played in the NBA, and during the second, you would have thought that he worked in the State Department.  While I’m sure he has a crack research staff to help him, Charlie Rose is able to really draw out his guests because he listens to them.  He comes prepared, but then he listens to what his guest say and then asks the type of questions that help the viewing audience get an intimate feel for the person being interviewed.

Burke is a fictional private eye created by Andrew Vachss.  He makes his living by gathering information.  Listening is one of his strong suits.

“It’s not hard to get some people to talk; it’s listening that takes real skill.  You can’t just shift to recorder mode until you confirm the channel is open and the signal is strong.  Sometimes, they just need to tell you something important to them before they tell you anything important to you.  It’s like uncorking a bottle of wine and letting it breathe before you have a taste.”

Studs Terkel may be the best listener of all.  He has written 11 books, all oral histories.  I first became acquainted with studs in the mid 1970s when I read his book Working – a book in which ordinary people shared with him what they do all day, everyday.  His ability to listen and draw out his subjects came through loud and clear even on the printed page.  Studs has produced other oral histories on the Depression and World War II.  His latest book, published last year is called Hope Dies Last.  The Wall Street Journal says: “During his long running book program on WFMT radio, he became acknowledged by authors as one of the best interviewers they ever encountered.”  If you don’t know Studs Terkel, pick up one of his books, and you’ll see a great listener in action.  I recommend Working.

On the other hand, Sean Hanity, a political talk show host on Fox may be one of the worst listeners in the world.  Things seem to go bad right from the start in his interviews.  He has the annoying habit of asking a provocative question, and then interrupting his guest after about 10 seconds of his or her response.  Not only does he interrupt, he tends to belittle his guests for their position.  He seems as if he is using his guests merely as a foil to advance his own thoughts.  You’ve probably worked for some bosses like Sean.  It’s not fun.  With these people, it’s difficult to engage in any meaningful dialogue as they are more interested in telling you what they think, rather than hearing what you do.

Be like Charlie, Burke and Studs.  Listen to the people around you – especially the ones you would like to influence.  Listen not just for the facts, listen for the emotions behind the facts.  Spend time getting to know people – as unique, individual human beings.  You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll learn. 

Listening is difficult, especially when you disagree with what the other person is saying.  It’s very easy to get caught up in forming your rebuttal instead of really concentrating on and trying to understand.  I suggest that you listen the hardest when you hear something with which you don’t agree.  These conversations have the most possibilities for you to learn something. 

There is a Native American saying “listen to the whispers, and you won’t have to hear the screams”.  I have found this to be profoundly true.  If you listen hard other people’s whispers, you’ll find their true feelings.  By the time whispers become screams, it can be too late to do anything about them.

There is a side benefit to listening.  People who listen learn more than people who don’t.  Larry King, whose not a bad listener in his own right, has said, “I remind myself every morning that nothing I say this day will teach me anything.  So if I’m going to learn, I have to listen.” Good advice – follow it.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  For more common sense career advice, log on to my website, www.BudBilanich.com.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS What have YOU done for your career today.