Bud Bilanich | The Common Sense Guy: Self Confidence, Part 4

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May 10, 2006

Self Confidence, Part 4

This is another post in my series on building a great career. Self confidence is the starting point for any career. I’ve been focusing on building self confidence in the last few posts. I’m continuing today.

Fear is the enemy of self confidence. Here are some things I’ve learned about overcoming fear…

Action defeats fear.

Fear often manifests itself as indecision. Because we’re afraid, we say things like “I don’t know if I should start looking for a better job”, or “I’m not going to volunteer to make a presentation at the next sales meeting, I might screw it up”.

I was speaking with a young college woman the other day. This young woman is interested in fashion journalism. She loves fashion and she loves to write. I suggested that she should start a blog – something like “The Campus Fashionista”.

I thought this was a good suggestion for a number of reasons. 1) I think blogs are a very cool way to share one’s ideas with others. 2) It is difficult to get published in fashion magazines. But if she writes a blog with two or three posts a week for her junior and senior years, she’ll have a nice portfolio to show prospective employers when she graduates. 3) She’ll see if she likes to write about fashion as much as she thinks she does. 4) She has the possibility of turning her blog into her career. If she works on it for a couple of years, and keeps improving it, she may find ways to commercialize it. In this way, she’ll be in the enviable position of not having to look for a job when she graduates.

OK, I admit that the last reason is a long shot. But who among Michael Dell’s friends and family would have thought that he would have turned his dorm room, part time computer repair and assembly job into today’s Dell Computers?

As I spoke with this young woman, I got very excited about the possibilities of her becoming a blogger. However, she didn’t share my excitement. She said, “I don’t know, I’m afraid that I wouldn’t know what to write about.”

This is a clear example of how fear is the enemy of self confidence and career success. There was no downside here. I have three TypePad accounts, and use only one. I was willing to let this young woman use one of my TypePad accounts for free. I told her that I would show her how to set up and post to her blog. Yet, the fear of failing was stronger than the desire to do something fun, cool and potentially career enhancing.

As I mentioned earlier, action defeats fear. If you don’t act, fear wins. The worst thing that could have happened with The Campus Fashionista blog is that nobody would have read it, and she would have stopped writing it. On the other hand, there is a lot of upside potential that will never be realized because she chose not to try it. Fear won.

Don’t let fear beat you. Here are my four steps for dealing with fear:

Identify it – when you find yourself procrastinating or being indecisive, ask yourself “what am I afraid of here?”
Admit it – look yourself in the eye and say “I admit it, I’m afraid to fail, or look foolish, or upset some of my friends, whatever.”
Accept it – don’t accept the fear, accept the fact that something about the situation scares you.
Deal with it – once you admit to yourself that you’re afraid of taking some action, you have taken an important step toward beating the fear. You’ve confronted it, now you can take action.

This reminds me of a line in a song by Paul Simon, “Slip Sliding Away”:

A good day ain’t got no rain, a bad day is when I stay in bed and think of things that might have been”.

You don’t want to wake up someday in the future and say I wish I had done this or that five, ten, fifteen years ago. Feel the fear, and do it anyway. That’s the definition of courage, and a great way to build your self confidence.

That’s it for today. Thanks for reading. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense career advice.

I’ll see you around the website, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS I still have those two unused TypePad blogs. I will be happy to let any student – high school, trade school or college, use them. I will help you set up your blog and pay for your hosting for one year. If you are interested, please email me at Bud@BudBilanich.com.

Posted by The Common Sense Guy in Common Sense Career Advice | Permalink

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» Bud Bilanich's Offer for Student Writers from SmallBizMentor
Author and executive coach Bud Bilanich has been posting some excellent information over on his blog, CommonSenseGuy.com. He recently discussed how he tried to encourage a young woman who is interested in fashion journalism to get started with a ... [Read More]

Comments

These are excellent points, Bud!
Fear can freeze us in our places. The question is, is it the place we really want to be stuck in til we thaw out? I think not.
I'll be posting your offer over at SmallBizMentor.com and Workerette.com first thing in the morning. I'm betting someone would love to take you up on one of those student accounts. What a generous offer!

Posted by: Melonie K. Murray (SmallBizMentor.com) | May 11, 2006 at 12:55 AM

Your comment:

"Feel the fear, and do it anyway. That’s the definition of courage, and a great way to build your self confidence."

...is right on!

Many times people think that because they 'feel' fear, that this is wrong and disruptive. Rather it is action in the face of fear, that always brings success to those who go on.

And as you said if you go on in spite of the fear you feel, your self-confidence will grow daily.

Posted by: Gary Bourgeault (managersrealm.com) | May 11, 2006 at 11:33 PM

Bud,

Thanks for introducing yourself on www.merceronvalue. I've enjoyed reading your blog, and especially your recent series on self confidence. The young lady you encouraged to blog needs a real dose of it. I hope she reads the series and does something with her dream.

After all, action is the essential ingredient between the present and the realization of our dreams!

Posted by: Chris Mercer | May 12, 2006 at 06:29 AM

Good information on this blog, and more great info on planning your day for success, joy at

http://browniesforbreakfast.blogspot.com

more on living fully today, not looking back at the past

http://waterfallsuplift.blogspot.com

thnks dave

Posted by: txdave | October 18, 2006 at 01:30 PM

Do you think that if she had a stronger vision of her goal, if she loved the idea of being recognized for writing about fashion, that she would have more courage to get started? Consider if I love my child, but my child is in danger (i.e. stuck in a burning house, etc.) I feel fear of going into the burning house, but my love of my child is stronger than my fear, so I rush into the house to save him. And / or my fear of losing my child gives me courage to rush into the burning house. So if she loved the idea of being a fashion writer, it would be stronger than her fear, and she would at least try it. Secondly, fear is only in the immagination, just thoughts about an uncertain future. Once you take action, you realize that your fear was unreal, that you were making the future more scary than it really is. So go ahead and try it, once you start to take action, you realize that you really had nothing to fear - but fear itself.

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