Success Common Sense

Presenting to a Global Audience

Today is Thursday, so this post is on communication skills.

As you recall, people with good communication skills have mastered three important skills.

1. They are good conversationalists.
2. They write well – clearly and succinctly.
3. They are excellent presenters.

Today, I’d like to concentrate on presentation skills.  A while back, I did a podcast in which I interviewed Steve Roesler, presentation guru extraordinaire.  As we were discussing audience analysis, Steve had some very interesting things to say about presentations in a global economy, and the use of PowerPoint slides.

Here is an excerpt from that interview…

Uninque Personal Organization Ideas

Today is Wednesday, so this post is on outstanding performance. 

Personal organization is one of the keys to outstanding performance.  Recently, I came across a low tech/high tech tool for getting more organized: PocketMod (http://www.PocketMod.com).  PocketMods are low tech because they are a paper and pencil tool.  They are high tech because you create them using software that you can download for free.

I came across the following article on PocketMods.  It was written by Cordell Jones, founder and president of Quicklearners Inc.  Quicklearners helps small businesses achieve exponential profits through easily implementable and highly effective performance solutions.  You can find them at www.quicklearners.com.

Here’s what Mr. Jones has to say about PocketMods. 

“Pocketmod.com offers a no-cost disposable personal organizer. You can put anything you want on each of the 8 panes of one side of a letter-sized piece of paper, fold it and put it in your pocket, purse, or wallet. PocketMod.com is a new company and product. I find them especially cool for two reasons: First, they cost practically nothing to create.  Second, people are less likely to throw them away because they are new and they hold tons of information in a little space. It is a personal analog assistant (PAA?) The possibilities for using these PocketMods are endless. In this article you will find a bunch of ways you can use PocketMods to improve your life and business. After reading these ideas, go to pocketmod.com and download the application or just create one on the website.

1. Use PocketMod to document your business objectives and strategies.
2. Refer to the objectives and strategies to help you stay focused and on track.
3. Use the PocketMod to create a daily prioritized list of people to contact and things to accomplish.
4. Use PocketMod to get at least one new referral for every potential client you contact.
5. Keep your schedule handy so you can setup and confirm follow-up appointments.
6. Gather client contact info and special notes to help remind them you care and you are there for them.
7. Create 8 page brochures you can leave with your potential client that shows benefits, your competitive advantage, and contact information.
8. Create giveaway PocketMods not to sell your product, but to give tools to your potential clients. (One page could have your contact info on it.)
9. Use the PocketMod to record client questions and needs.
10. Use a personal PocketMod to track your diet and exercise routines so you can always present your best self.
11. Identify hidden opportunities at your clients and create mutually beneficial solutions.
12. Create a cheat sheet with talking points you don’t want to forget about when talking with a potential client.
13. Identify a personal characteristic you would like to improve and list things you can do to improve.
14. Add a PocketMod brochure with all of your client correspondence and product packaging.
15. Convert a successful ad or promotion to the PocketMod format.
16. Add coupons to your PocketMod giveaways to increase sales.
17. Add a new word to your vocabulary every day and use it correctly, powerfully, and in a marketing context with your clients.
18. Use your PocketMod to record informal assessments of how well your ads are being used.
19. Use your PocketMod to write down and document permission for client testimonials.
20. Use the PocketMod to identify your client’s core values.
21. Keep track of your key accomplishments and repeat them as appropriate.
22. Become you client’s trusted friend by remembering important life events like birthdays and anniversaries.
23. If you see something a client or competitor does really well, write it down and apply it in your business.
24. While you are out, look for places and niches your competitors aren’t and develop an offering for that group.
25. Print in a landscape format and attach to a business card magnet so people will keep your PocketMod in a handy location.

This list is just a starter of the amazing things you can do with a PocketMod. My advice to you is to be creative and look for unique ways in which you can use the PocketMod to better serve your clients.

Bonus Item 26. Remove the gum from your mouth and put inside the blank pages of your PocketMod. Nobody wants to see your gum!”

I have just gotten used to organizing myself using Outlook.  However, I think I’m going to download a copy of PocketMod and give it a whirl.

PocketMod is an interesting personal organization/time management tool.  I’m looking for other off beat time management ideas to post here.  For example, Jeffrey Gitomer says he never watches local news.  According to Mr. Gitomer, local news is only about accidents, crimes and features, and hardly changes from day to day, so he figures he can use the half hour he would spend watching local news more productively.

I agree with what he has to say about local news – but I still like to watch it anyway, so I am unlikely to adopt this time management piece of advice.  But that doesn’t mean that you won’t.

That’s why I’m looking for little known, somewhat offbeat time and personal productivity management ideas to post here.  Please send me your ideas and I’ll post them some Wednesday in the future.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

How to Write a Good Condolence Note

Today is Tuesday, so this post is on positive personal impact.

If you recall, people who make a positive personal impact have mastered three things:

1. They have developed and constantly promote their personal brand.
2. They are impeccable in their appearance.
3. They know and use the basic rules of business etiquette.

Sending condolences to a colleague or customer who has lost a loved one is a key element of basic business etiquette.  These condolences should be expressed in person, as well as in writing.  I always prefer a handwritten personal note to a generic sympathy card.  In the My Turn column in the current Newsweek, Jess Decourcy Hinds, shares her experiences with losing her father and her thoughts on how to write a good condolence note. 

Mr. Decourcy Hinds is a college English teacher.  She writes both from the heart and with an academic knowledge of her subject.  Here is a little of what she has to say…

“Condolences are some of the most difficult words to write or say…Writers often express themselves most freely when they know the rules of the genre in which they’re writing.  Here are my basic guidelines for mastering the Art of Condolence:

1. “Always begin directly and simply.  ‘I am so sorry about your mother’s death.’
2. “It’s better to ask, ‘how are you?’ or ‘how are you feeling?’ instead of telling someone how he or she should feel.
3. “Never say ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going through.’  To me, this translates as ‘this is too hard for me, I don’t want to thing about it.’
4. “Never give advice about how someone should get through the loss.  Some mourners go to parties; others stay home with the shades drawn.  Be open to the mourner’s individual needs.  Be open to the possibility that these needs will change day by day.
5. “If you want to offer something upbeat, share a funny anecdote or memory about the deceased that might bring a smile to the mourner’s face.”

This is some great common sense advice on how to write a good condolence note.  Condolence notes are difficult to write – especially when you are close to the person who has lost a loved one.  However, they are important.  A well written condolence note shows your support for the mourner during a difficult time.  It also shows that you are a person who understands and uses the basic rules of etiquette in difficult situations.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

Fear, Courage and Self Confidence

Today is Monday – Happy Memorial Day in the US – so this post is on self confidence.

Mel Richardson is a friend of mine.  He writes a very interesting blog.  You can find it at http://wwwwealthbuildingstrategiescom.blogspot.com.  In his post on Tuesday, May 22, he wrote about fear and self confidence.  Here are a few of the things he had to say.

Courage Despite the Fear – Mel Richardson

“We all have a fear of something. There are people who go through life with a fear of this and a fear of that. Fear is a paralyzing state. I was reading a book by Lewis Timberlake, (motivational speaker), and there was a quote that said, ‘Fear is a dark room where negatives are developed.’

“Doesn't that sound right? Imagine a closed in damp, dirty, dark, musty closet where fear resides. What can possibly come from a situation like that except fear. Fear is not knowing what lies ahead. When our way seems dark and we are not sure which direction we should take there is a sense of dread and fear. Fear is generated when we are not familiar with our surroundings

“If we make an attempt to journey outside of our comfort zones then fear sets in, because we are not accustomed to the new environment. We are challenged to do something new and take some risks and give up our old habits and old ways of thinking. Can this possibly, maybe set us up for failure?

“I’ve also heard someone say we were born with two fears; the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned. Hmm? Can we unlearn those fears?

“When we actually get a picture of who we are and what we can become it frightens us. So we sabotage our success with unbelief, negative thoughts, and we embrace our comfort zone.

“What do you fear? What's holding you back? Are you in a dark room watching all the negatives develop? Are you afraid of who you are and what you can become? Does fear have you in its icy grip?

“If so I would say it's time to move up and out, past the comfort zone. It's time to move on to pursue your greatness and fulfill your destiny. It's time to face your fears and unlock your potential.

“Be of good courage. Courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to act despite the fear. Can't get past the fear? Then encourage yourself. Your words have power.

“Say good things to yourself. Say, ‘You Can Do It, Come on, let's go’, Say things that get you motivated and excited. Is there a motivating and uplifting song you can listen to? An abundance of wealth is waiting for you on the other side of fear.

“Think of the awesome reasons that you are pursuing your great dreams. Think of what you want to accomplish. 

“Now I say, Come on, You Can Do It! It's time to move. It's time to go forth and make things happen. Nothing can stop you.”

Mel makes some great common sense points – in this post and in his blog.  I particularly like what he has to say about courage.  I agree – we all are afraid sometime.  Those of us who are self confident have the courage to act, despite our fears.  Mel acts.  He puts himself and his thoughts out there in his blog. 

The common sense point here?  Face your fears.  Act on them.  Become the self confident career and life star you are meant to be.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Give With No Expectation of Return

Today is Friday, so this post is on interpersonal competence.

There was an article in the on line version of The New York Times this week about Harold S. Mintz, a salesman who gave one of his kidneys to a total stranger.

The article said in part “‘The first thing they do is send you to see a psychiatrist,’ said Mr. Mintz, who lives in the Washington area. ‘I thought that was hilarious, but it made sense. I mean, what kind of nut puts up his hand and says I want to give away body parts?’

“The number of organ donations from the living surpassed those from the dead, and has for the past two years. The vast majority of such good samaritans act to help a relative or close friend, but transplant centers report an increasing number of ‘altruistic donors’ -- that is, people who want to give of themselves, literally, to whomever doctors decide is in need.”

While donating a body part is pretty extreme, the idea of giving of yourself with no expectation of anything in return is key to becoming interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people know that the key to building strong relationships with others is a willingness to give first – to put yourself out there and offer your friendship, help or support.

When you do this, you build trust.  Other people see you as someone who is genuinely interested in building a relationship with them; not as someone who is in it to see what he or she can get from them. 

I see this on the internet everyday.  I write two blogs -- this one and www.CommonSenseGuy.com -- because I want to share my thoughts, knowledge and experience with others.  I link to other blogs and websites because I like what they have to say, and I think that the wisdom they contain can be helpful to the people who read my blogs.  It’s a bonus when I receive reciprocal links.  I love them, but I don’t expect them.

Recently, I’ve gotten to know Nancy Marmolejo of www.ComadreCoaching.com.  I bought one of Nancy’s e books on how to use MySpace as a business building platform.  Since then, we’ve become great e mail friends, sharing our thoughts and ideas.  Nancy and I hit it off well mostly because we are two people who enjoy helping others.  It’s a pleasure to both help her and to learn from her.

Over my career, I have always made it a point to respond to people who ask for my help: students who are writing papers and ask my advice, friends who ask for help with their resumes, children of friends graduating from college and looking for a job.  I do these because I like to help, but I also do them because by doing them, I build relationships with people. 

Sometimes these relationships lead to business for me.  Sometimes they don’t.  But it’s OK either way.  There are lots of people who do things for me.  In the end, it all evens out. 

I am not holding myself up to be as generous a soul as Mr. Mintz, the kidney donor.  However I have learned that extending myself with no expectation of anything in return is a great way to build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the people in my life.

The common sense point is simple.  If you want to become more interpersonally competent, give freely of yourself and expect nothing in return.  You’ll be surprised by the good karma you’ll generate and how the universe will have a way of bringing good things back to you.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

I need to GAL. IDK im abbreviations

Today is Thursday, so this post is on communication skills. 

Career and life stars have three mastered three skills:

1. They are good conversationalists.
2. They write well and clearly.
3. They have good presentation skills.

E mail falls under point 2 – clear writing.  An article in the May 2007 issue of Laptop Magazine listed 10 slang expressions to avoid in your e mails.

• CUL8R
• GAL
• IDK
• KIT
• LMAO
• NIFC
• NMU
• ROFL
• TTYL
• W/E

I could figure out a few of these, but not all of them.  It’s interesting, because on May 22, I did a post on my www.CommonSenseGuy.com blog called Generations at Work – Important Differences of Much Ado About Nothing?  In that post, I argued that people are pretty much people, and that your age has little to do with what you want out of life.

As I read this list however, I began to think that maybe I was wrong – at least on computer jargon.  Old guys like me often can’t decipher computer newspeak (to update a term from George Orwell).  But I’m sure that most young people – especially those who text message a lot – get it.  So maybe this is a generational issue, and young people think it is perfectly acceptable to use the expressions on the above list in e mail correspondence. 

Am I right?  Am I wrong?  Are abbreviations of the type listed above OK for business e mail or not?  I come out on the common sense side of things.  If you are communicating with someone who gets it – then go ahead and use these abbreviations.  If you are communicating up the line – you might want to thing twice about using computer newspeak.

That’s my opinion on this one – what’s yours?  KIT.  And, BTW, I am not NIFC.

In case you’re wondering, here is the code to the expressions listed above.

• CUL8R -- See you later.
• GAL -- Get a life.
• IDK -- I don’t know.
• KIT -- Keep in touch.
• LMAO -- Laughing my ass off.
• NIFC -- Naked in front of the computer.
• NMU -- Not much, you?
• ROFL -- Rolling on the floor laughing.
• TTYL -- Talk to you later.
• W/E -- Whatever…

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

The Angel Inside -- Part 2

Today is Wednesday, so this post is on outstanding performance.

On Monday, I did a post on the book The Angel Inside by Chris Widener.  In case you missed the post, The Angel Inside is a fable.  It’s the story of Tom Cook, a disillusioned 30 year old American, who takes a trip to Europe in the hope of finding some direction for his life.  In Florence, he meets an old man who promises him that “this day will forever change your life”.

Together, Tom and the old man visit Michelangelo’s famous statue of David, a sculptor’s studio and a restaurant.  Along the way, the old man dispenses 10 pieces of advice.  I won’t tell you what they are here because I want you to read the book.  Believe me, it will be worth your time.

The Angel Inside is a small book – 94 pages.  I read it in about 45 minutes.  Then I thought about it for about four hours.  Then I read it again making notes to myself.  Mr. Widener has a lot to say about becoming an outstanding performer.  I’ve included a few quotes on outstanding performance from The Angel Inside below

• “The masters, the ones who succeed tremendously and set the standard for others are those who master the details.”
• “As David stands facing Goliath, he conceives in his mind what he wants to do.  But had he not trained by himself, slinging countless stones at trees and animals, for years in obscurity, had he not been skilled enough to make his hand obey his mind, the story would have ended my much differently.”
• “The lesson is not to move too fast.  Fast enough to get where you want to be, but slow enough to do it right the first time.”
• “Planning helps you do it right the first time”.
• “Sometimes success takes years.  It takes methodical action over time.”
• “Live your life and do your work in the embodiment of excellence, and opportunities will flow your way.  People cannot, they will not, turn an eye away from excellence.”
• “Do the best you can at your work.  Above all, be passionate about what you do and how you live your life.”

If you look at these quotes closely, you will see that each in its own way hits on one or more of the principles I suggest for becoming an outstanding performer:

1. Become technically excellent.
2. Set and achieve high goals.
3. Organize yourself for success.

The Angel Inside is a great book full of common sense ideas on career and life success.  I suggest you read and study it – more importantly put the ten pieces of advice it dispenses to work.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Business Etiquette

Today is Tuesday, so this post is on positive personal impact. 

Recently, I saw an article on business etiquette by Paula Gamonal on www.RavenWerks.com.  I liked what Ms. Gamonal had to say, so I thought I’d post it here – with a few edits and comments of my own thrown in of course.

“Most behavior in the workplace that is perceived as disrespectful, discourteous or abrasive is unintentional, and could have been avoided by practicing good manners or etiquette. We’ve always found that most negative experiences with someone were unintentional and easily repaired by keeping an open mind and maintaining open, honest communication. Basic knowledge and practice of etiquette is a valuable advantage, because in a lot of situations, a second chance may not be possible or practical.

“There are many written and unwritten rules and guidelines for etiquette, and it certainly behooves a business person to learn them. The caveat is that there is no possible way to know all of them!

“These guidelines have some difficult-to-navigate nuances, depending on the company, the local culture, and the requirements of the situation. Possibilities to commit a faux pas are limitless, and chances are, sooner or later, you’ll make a mistake. But you can minimize mistakes, recover from them quickly, and avoid causing a bad impression by being considerate and attentive to the concerns of others, and by adhering to the basic rules of etiquette.

“Here are some of the basics...

• “The most important thing to remember is to be courteous and thoughtful to the people around you, regardless of the situation. Consider other people’s feelings, stick to your convictions as diplomatically as possible.
• “Address conflict as situation-related, rather than person-related.
• “Apologize when you step on toes. You can’t go too far wrong if you stick with the basics you learned in Kindergarten. This sounds simple, but they are the qualities we admire most in people in leadership positions, and are the very traits we work so hard to engender in our children. If you always behave so that you would not mind your spouse, kids, or grandparents watching you, you're probably doing fine.
• “Avoid raising your voice (surprisingly, it can be much more effective at getting attention when you lower it!), using harsh or derogatory language toward anyone (present or absent), or interrupting. You may not get as much airtime in meetings at first, but what you do say will be much more effective because it carries the weight of credibility and respectability. 
• “Talk and visit with people. Don't differentiate by position or standing within the company. Secretaries and janitorial staff actually have tremendous power to help or hinder your career.
• "Next time you need a document prepared or a conference room arranged for a presentation, watch how many people are involved with that process (you'll probably be surprised!) and make it a point to meet them and show your appreciation.
• “Make it a point to arrive ten or fifteen minutes early and visit with people that work near you. When you visit another location in your company, linger over a cup of coffee and introduce yourself to people nearby. If you arrive early for a meeting, introduce yourself to the other participants. At social occasions, use the circumstances of the event itself as an icebreaker.
• “Keep notes on people. There are several contact management software applications that are designed for salespeople, but in business, nearly everyone is a salesperson in some capacity or another. They help you create a people database with names, addresses, phone numbers, birthdays, spouse and children's’ names; whatever depth of information is appropriate for your situation.
• “Remember what you can about people.  Be thoughtful. Send cards or letters for birthdays or congratulations of promotions or other events, send flowers for engagements, weddings or in condolence for the death of a loved one or family member. People will remember your kindness, probably much longer than you will!”

These are some great common sense ideas from Paula Gamonal on basic business etiquette.  If you put them to use, you’ll find that you’ll be making a positive personal impact with the people in your business life.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Build Self Confidence by Finding The Angel Inside You

I read a great book on the plane from Denver to Washington DC the other day.  It’s called The Angel Inside.  Chris Widener is the author.  The Angel Inside is a small book – 94 pages.  I read it in about 45 minutes.  Then I thought about it for about four hours.  Then I read it again making notes to myself. 

The Angel Inside is a fable.  It’s the story of Tom Cook, a disillusioned 30 year old American, who takes a trip to Europe in the hope of finding some direction for his life.  In Florence, he meets an old man who promises him that “this day will forever change your life”.

Together, Tom and the old man visit Michelangelo’s famous statue of David, a sculptor’s studio and a restaurant.  Along the way, the old man dispenses 10 pieces of advice.  I won’t tell you what they are here because I want you to read the book.  Believe me, it will be worth your time.

However, as this post is on self confidence, I will relay a few quotes from the book on confidence.

• "In order to achieve what you want out of life, you must be confident.  And as it relates to following your passions and utilizing your strengths you must demonstrate self confidence."
• "In Latin, confidence literally means “with faith”.  So you see, self confidence means you have faith in yourself."
• "If you are to be successful, you must find self confidence in the things that you do well, and then pursue them."
• "Dreaming isn’t enough.  It is a start, but then one must make sure that the dream is possible."
• "Action is the beginning of accomplishments.  Without it, you have only wasted dreams and good intentions."
• "Every successful endeavor begins with one swift action."
• "The last reason (for not acting on your dreams) is perhaps the most powerful reason of all.  That reason is fear…Fear of anything.  Fear of everything.  Fear of the unknown…There is the ubiquitous fear of change.  Some are even afraid of succeeding."
• "Everything and everyone that we interact with will shape and mold the person we become…Our business associates and our friends are people who we can choose at will.  We should choose these people wisely for what they will help us become."

If you look at these quotes closely, you will see that each in its own way hits on one or more of the principles I suggest for becoming more self confident.

• Be optimistic.
• Face your fears and deal with them.
• Surround yourself with positive people.

The Angel Inside is a great book full of common sense ideas on career and life success.  I suggest you read and study it – more importantly put the ten pieces of advice it dispense to work.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Know Yourself -- In Order to Know Others

Today is Friday, so this post is on Interpersonal Competence

Interpersonally competent people know themselves, have the ability to build and maintain strong mutually beneficial relationships with others, and are able to resolve conflict in a positive manner.

Today, I’d like to focus on the first point – knowing yourself.  There are quite a few instruments on the market that help you get to know yourself.  I am most familiar with the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the DISC.  Both of these are based on Jungian psychology and provide you with an easy to understand framework for getting to know yourself.

I believe that we can all benefit from gaining a better understanding of ourselves – what turns us on, what turns us off, what motivates us etc.  However, I think that the real benefit is less than knowing yourself than in using the framework to know other people.  If you understand other people -- what turns them on, what turns them off, what motivates them – you are in a better position to build positive, constructive relationships with them.

I’ll use myself as an example.  The MBTI measures preferences along four continuums:

• Extraversion (E) – Introversion (I)
• Sensing (S) – Intuiting (N)
• Thinking (T) – Feeling (F)
• Judging (J) – Perceiving (P)

I am a slight introvert – that means that I get my energy from within, as opposed to extraverts who get their energy from other people.  I prefer a lot of solitary activities: reading, writing, watching movies, riding my bike.  I get recharged by being by myself.  On the other hand, Cathy my wife, is a high extravert.  She gets her energy from being around other people.

She always drives me to and picks me up from the airport.  When I come home from a trip, I most often want to relax and look out the car window as we drive home.  I’m an introvert.  I recharge my batteries by getting quiet and going within myself.  Cathy is an extravert.  She wants to talk.  She enjoys having me home so we can interact. 

When I get into the car after a trip, I get myself into a conversational mode.  I ask about Cathy, and what she did while I was gone.  I listen to what she has to say.  I tell her about my trip – who I saw and what I did.  I do this because I love her, and want to do my part to make our relationship as strong as it can be.  I use my knowledge of myself, and my knowledge of her to act in a manner that will strengthen our relationship.

Here’s another example.  One of my clients is a strong S and strong J.  I am a strong N and strong P.  He likes things to be very organized and predictable.  I am more comfortable going with the flow. 

One day, I arrived at his office in the late afternoon.  I was going to facilitate a team building session for his leadership team the next day.  He asked me what I planned on doing in our meeting.  I explained it to him verbally.  He said, “do you have an agenda?”  I responded that I just told him what I was planning on doing.  He said, “I heard you, but I’d like to see the agenda.”  I told him I had no written agenda.  He was unhappy with this.  So we spent 15 minutes putting what I told him I planned to do in the meeting on paper. 

You might think this is pretty silly.  But there is an important lesson here.  He has high needs for structure, and an agenda is a way to structure a meeting.  I am very comfortable having a rough idea of what I’m hoping to do and accomplish in a meeting and then going with the energy in the room as the meeting unfolds.  This works for me – but not my client. 

The common sense lesson here is simple.  He’s the client, I have to adapt my preferred style of leading a meeting to his needs, or I am unlikely to be successful in building a long term, mutually beneficial relationship with him.  It was up to me to recognize our differences and to adapt my behavior to something that will make him comfortable – not the other way around.

Interpersonally competence people understand themselves.  They use this understanding to compare and contrast their needs and wants with the people around them.  In this way, they can adapt their behavior to the other person – making it easier to build strong relationships.

The next time you run into someone who looks at the world differently from you, see what you can do to adapt your communication style and behavior to his or her style.  If you do this, I guarantee you’ll be on your way to building a better, stronger relationship with that person.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.