Success Common Sense

The Power of Appreciation

Today is Friday, so this post is on interpersonal competence.

Recently, I came across a great book called Focus on the Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation by Mike Robbins.  Mike suggests that most of us need to make a paradigm shift – from focusing on the negative, the bad stuff in our lives; to focusing on the positive, the good stuff in our lives.  His message is simple and is summed up below.

Five Principles for Living a Life Filled with Appreciation

In order to utilize the power of appreciation in your life as a way to enhance your relationships, improve your results, and empower yourself, here are five key principles:

1) Be Grateful – Focus on the many blessings in your life and all that you have to be grateful for.

2) Choose Positive Thoughts and Feelings – Make a conscious decision to transform your negative thoughts and feelings into ones that empower you.

3) Use Positive Words – Pay attention to the words you use with others, about things, and in speaking about yourself. Speak with the most positive words possible – our words have the power to create, not just describe.

4) Acknowledge Others – Focus on what you appreciate about the people around you and let them know. Be genuine and let others know the positive impact they have on you and your life.

5) Appreciate Yourself – Celebrate who you are, what you do, and the gifts and talents that you have. Self-appreciation is not arrogance; it’s an awareness of your own power and it’s the key to self confidence, success, and fulfillment.

Mike says, “When we truly focus on this good stuff, our world transforms and we’re able to see and experience the GREAT FULLNESS of our lives.”

This is some great common sense advice for becoming an interpersonally competent person.  Interpersonally competent people appreciate what they have, and they appreciate the other people in their lives.  Think about it.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com to subscribe to my monthly ezine and for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Controlling Your Nerves During a Presentation

Today is Thursday, so this post is on communication skills.

Public speaking is an important communication skill for anyone who is interested in career and life success.  Yet, all too often, smart, competent people let their nerves get the best of them when they have to speak in front of a group.

I found an excellent piece on how to control your nerves when you’re in front of an audience by Bronwyn Ritchie.  I’d like to share the high points with you.  You can find the entire article at http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bronwyn_Ritchie.

Five Keys to Managing Your Nerves in Front of an Audience

1. Deep breathing will pull in oxygen. Adrenalin, secreted to help you deal with the fear brought on by little doubts, causes breaths to become shallow, or causes you to hold your breath. Deep breathing will help your brain work to capacity, and forcing the slower pace will quell the panic.
2. Bluff. Stand tall, with shoulders back and chest out. Smile. Even though you don’t feel happy or confident, do it anyway. You will look confident and your body will fool your brain into thinking it is confident. This really works!! Bluff – body and smile.
3. Keep you mouth and throat hydrated. Plan to keep a drink on hand while you are speaking., though this sounds impossible. Visualising how you will use it if you need it, and calling up the audacity to do such a thing will carry across to your attitude as you take your place to speak, placing your glass just where you need it to be.
4. Adrenalin sends the blood rushing to the fight/flight centers of your brain at the base of the skull. Place your hand on your forehead and press gently on the bony points. This will bring the blood to the parts of the brain that need it to present your speech best.
5. Know you are prepared. Obviously this depends on actually being prepared, so take every opportunity in the days leading up to the speech to prepare your material. Be familiar with the structure of the presentation, and the ideas to use. Memorize the most important parts, and the parts you are frightened of forgetting. I would memorize the opening of the speech and in the moments before presenting it, would reassure myself that I knew that part, and that would lead on to the rest. It worked!!

These are five common sense ideas for controlling your nerves when you are in front of an audience.  Presentation skills are important.  More than one career has taken off as a result of one good talk to the right people.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com to subscribe to my monthly ezine and for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Stress is the Enemy of Outstanding Performance

Today is Wednesday, so this post is on outstanding performance.

Stress is the enemy of outstanding performance.  In my research for this post, I came across some great common sense advice on how to manage stress at a website sponsored by Georgia Reproductive Specialists – you never know where you will find helpful and useful information.  You can access their suggestions on stress management by going to www.ivf.com/stress.html. 

Six Tips for Managing Stress

1. Become aware of your stressors and your emotional and physical reactions.  Notice your distress. Don't ignore it. Don't gloss over your problems. Determine what events distress you. What are you telling yourself about meaning of these events?  Determine how your body responds to the stress. Do you become nervous or physically upset? If so, in what specific ways?
2. Recognize what you can change.  Can you change your stressors by avoiding or eliminating them completely? Can you reduce their intensity (manage them over a period of time instead of on a daily or weekly basis)?  Can you shorten your exposure to stress (take a break, leave the physical premises)? Can you devote the time and energy necessary to making a change (goal setting, time management techniques, and delayed gratification strategies may be helpful here)?
3. Reduce the intensity of your emotional reactions to stress. The stress reaction is triggered by your perception of danger...physical danger and/or emotional danger. Are you viewing your stressors in exaggerated terms and/or taking a difficult situation and making it a disaster? Are you expecting to please everyone?  Are you overreacting and viewing things as absolutely critical and urgent? Do you feel you must always prevail in every situation?  Work at adopting more moderate views; try to see the stress as something you can cope with rather than something that overpowers you.  Try to temper your excess emotions. Put the situation in perspective. Do not labor on the negative aspects and the "what if's."
4. Learn to moderate your physical reactions to stress.  Slow, deep breathing will bring your heart rate and respiration back to normal.  Relaxation techniques can reduce muscle tension. Electronic biofeedback can help you gain voluntary control over such things as muscle tension, heart rate, and blood pressure. Medications, when prescribed by a physician, can help in the short term in moderating your physical reactions. However, they alone are not the answer. Learning to moderate these reactions on your own is a preferable long-term solution.
5. Build your physical reserves. Exercise for cardiovascular fitness three to four times a week (moderate, prolonged rhythmic exercise is best, such as walking, swimming, cycling, or jogging).  Eat well-balanced, nutritious meals. Maintain your ideal weight. Avoid nicotine, excessive caffeine, and other stimulants. Mix leisure with work. Take breaks and get away when you can. Get enough sleep. Be as consistent with your sleep schedule as possible.
6. Maintain your emotional reserves.  Develop some mutually supportive friendships/relationships. Pursue realistic goals which are meaningful to you, rather than goals others have for you that you do not share.  Expect some frustrations, failures, and sorrows.  Always be kind and gentle with yourself -- be a friend to yourself.

This is some great common sense advice on managing stress.  As I mentioned above, stress is the enemy of high performance.  However, you can combat stress by using the six suggestions above.  What are you waiting for?

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com to subscribe to my monthly ezine and for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Laptop Etiquette on Airplanes

Today is Tuesday, so this post is on personal impact.  Knowing and using proper etiquette is one of the hallmarks of people with positive personal impact.  However, as technology increasingly takes over our lives, the rule of etiquette must adapt.

Last Tuesday, USA Today had an article on the etiquette of laptops on planes.  It discussed the etiquette of laptop and dvd player use on airplanes.

I am visual.  I am drawn to anything on a screen – or anything with words for that matter.  When I fly Frontier, I always black out the little TV screen on the back of the seat in front of me.  If I kept it on during the flight, I would be distracted from my work. 

I have reached the level where Frontier gives me free movies and live TV on their flights.  Normally, this costs $5.00.  The other day, the flight attendant came to my seat and began to swipe her card to activate my TV.  She was shocked when I told her “no thanks”.  She was puzzled when I told her that I find the whole thing a little bit Orwellian.  (If you don’t get the joke, read the book 1984.)

Still, when I fly Frontier, I find my attention wandering to all of those other little TV sets all around me.  The same thing happens when the person next to me is watching a movie on a personal dvd player.  It also happens when someone is working on email, a spreadsheet, a Word document or PowerPoint presentation.  When I catch myself reading someone else’s newspaper or looking at their computer screen, I quickly avert my eyes – but that doesn’t mean that they won’t stray again.  As I’ve said, I’m visual.

On the other hand, I’m usually writing something or creating a PowerPoint presentation when I’m flying, so I just assume people are looking at my screen too.  I don’t care.  I am never working on anything super confidential.

But some people are.  That’s why 3M has developed filters that make it impossible for anyone not squarely in front of the screen to see what’s on a laptop screen.  When I see someone with one of those I want to say “I’m Bud Bilanich, and I take it you are Bond, James Bond.” (Sorry about the British writer jokes today.)

The USA Today article had a side bar called Common Sense Rules for In Flight Laptop Etiquette.

• Don’t snoop.  That spreadsheet is none of your business.
• Don’t stare.  If you’d like to watch your neighbor’s movie without sound, ask first.
• Be neighborly.  If you see someone straining to peek at your movie or music video, invite him or her to watch.  You might make a new friend.
• Bring headphones.  If you plan to watch a movie or play a game with sound, spare your neighbors the noise.  If you forget, as a flight attendant for airline headphones.
• Defend yourself.  Bring earplugs or noise canceling headphones to shut out others’ laptop sounds.
• Speak up.  If you have a problem with the sound or the content coming form your neighbor’s laptop, tell the person.  If that doesn’t work, contact a flight attendant. 
• Be considerate.  Leave the porn and gore flicks at home.

This is good, common sense advice from USA Today.  Now, if I could just find a way to not be so drawn to anything on someone else’s screen….

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com to subscribe to my monthly ezine and for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Fear is the Enemy of Self Confidence

Today is Monday, so this post is on self confidence.

As you know, self confident people have three things in common:

1. Self confident people are optimistic.
2. Self confident people face their fears and deal with them.
3. Self confident people surround themselves with positive people.

I subscribe to Brian Tracy’s ezine.  I like his ideas.  Coincidentally, I am featured on the cover of a recently released book Conversations on Success with Mr. Tracy and Stephen Covey.  I’ll send a complimentary copy to the first five people who send me an e mail at [email protected], with their snail mail address.

Yesterday’s post by Mr. Tracy was called Neutralizing Your Two Major Fears.  Mr. Tracy contends that there are two major fears with are our greatest obstacles to success: the fear of failure and the fear of rejection.

“The fear of failure is the single greatest obstacle to success in adult life. Taken to its extreme, we become totally pre-occupied with not making a mistake, with seeking approval for security above all other considerations. The experience of the fear of failure is in the words ‘I can't’.  We feel it in the front of the body, starting at the solar plexus and moving up to the rapid beating of the heart, rapid breathing and a tight throat. We also experience this fear in the bladder and in the irresistible need to run to the bathroom.

“The second major fear that interferes with performance and inhibits expression, is the fear of rejection. We learn this when our parents make their love conditional on our behavior. If we do what pleases them, they give us love and approval. If we do something they don't like, they withdraw their love and approval-which we interpret as rejection.”

I agree with Mr. Tracy, fear of failure and fear of rejection are two of the strongest fears we experience.  However, these two fears can be conquered by following four simple steps.

Build Bridges, Don't Throw Bombs

Today is Friday, so this post is on interpersonal competence.

A recent column in the Wall Street Journal called Exit Your Current Job by Building Bonds, Not Lobbing Bombs made a very interesting point.  “Leaving well is a basic career competency.  If you leave on a high note with connections that are real and true, you create opportunities for yourself down the road.”

I’m living proof of this.  I worked for a Fortune 50 company from 1983 till 1988 when I let to begin my consulting business.  Two years later, a chance meeting with a former colleague and friend led to a small consulting project.  That one project led to a sizeable amount of business over the next 15 years. 

The interesting thing here is that I didn’t plan it this way.  My good fortune came from the fact that I try to befriend everybody I meet.  This relationship building attitude has paid off handsomely for me.  I now have clients who are in senior positions at that company who I knew when they were just starting out.  In fact, one of them told me that he has hired me because he was impressed with the manner in which I treated him when he first joined the company.

To me, this is simple common sense; although it may go against human nature at times.  In our day to day lives, we are bound to encounter people who are less than nice to us.  Some may be downright nasty.  While I believe that it’s really important to rid yourself of these stress inducing, nasty people in your life, it’s equally as important to do it in such a way that you don’t offend them.

Here’s a real life example of where I svrewed up.  Many years ago, I was leaving a job.  I had some input into my replacement.  The person who was selected wasn’t even on my list of potential candidates.  I had known him for several years, and had participated in a number of cross divisional task forces with him.  When it came right down to it, I didn’t like him much as a person, and I didn’t respect him as a professional.  I made this known to the hiring manager.

But, he got the job.  Fast forward about seven or eight years.  I was a candidate for a job that was of some interest to me.  I was pretty sure I was going to get an offer.  In the third round of interviews, the guy for whom I would be working said, “I see you worked for such and such a company, do you know XXX?”  I said, “Sure, he was my replacement when I left that company.”

I didn’t get the job.  In fact, I never heard from them again.  When I followed up, the HR person told me that they had chosen another candidate. 

As I reflected on things, I realized that I had never built any bridges with the guy who followed me seven or eight years ago.  Worse than that, I’m sure that he learned that I didn’t support his candidacy and thought hiring him was a bad decision.  I also figured out that the hiring manager for the job for which I was interviewing, probably called him as soon as I left his office, wanting to check me out.  You can guess how that conversation went.

I lost that job because I didn’t build any bridges with my replacement.  In fact, I probably lobbed a couple of bombs his way.  The common sense point here is simple.  Old relationships can help or haunt you.  That’s why it makes sense to build positive relationships with the people in your life.  Be true to yourself; don’t befriend people just because you think they may be able to help you later in life.  On the other hand, treat all of the people in your life with the dignity and respect they deserve as fellow human beings.  Interpersonally competent people do – and that’s why they tend be successful in their lives and careers.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com to subscribe to my monthly ezine and for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Punctuation is an Important Part of Good Writing

Today is Thursday, so this post is on communication skills.

Writing is an important communication skill.  Punctuation is an important part of writing.  Alex Greer’s most recent newsletter had an interesting article on punctuation.  Alex is a friend of mine, and has graciously allowed me to reprint it here.  You can sign up for Alex’s newsletter by going to www.justtoobusy.co.uk.

Here is what Alex has to say about punctuation…

Get Organized for Outstanding Performance

As you recall, outstanding performers have three things in common.

1. Outstanding performers are technically competent.
2. Outstanding performers set and achieve high goals.
3. Outstanding performers are well organized.

The other day, I was looking for something on my office book shelf and I came across one of my favorite booklets.  It’s called 110 Ideas for Organizing Your Business Life.  Paulette Ensign is the author.

Paulette has packed a lot of common sense advice into this 16 page booklet.  I’m going to share my favorite ten nuggets with you here.  If you want the other 100, you can purchase the booklet by going to www.tipsbooklets.com.

The Queen of Mean

Today is Tuesday, so this post is on personal impact.

Leona Helmsley died yesterday.  She was 87.  If you know who she was, what comes to mind when you hear her name? 

For me, it’s three things:

1. Her nickname, "The Queen of Mean", because she was said to terrorize her employees;
2. The statement attributed to her that she always denied “Only the little people pay taxes”;
3. Her conviction on tax evasion.

Not the greatest legacy or personal brand.

Math Doesn't Suck...But Math Phobia Does

Today is Monday, so this post is on self confidence.

Danica McKellar was a child TV star.  She played Winnie Cooper on one of my favorite series, The Wonder Years.  At 32, she is all grown up and is still a TV star.  She had a recurring role on The West Wing. 

More importantly, she has written a great book for girls called Math Doesn’t Suck.  Her mission is to help girls realize that they can learn math.  An article in USA Today says “she uses beading to explain prime numbers, shoe shopping to describe multiples and tangled necklaces to explain complex fractions.”

Ms. McKellar says “Even if girls don’t become mathematicians, it’s still important for them to know they can do math.  Developing intelligence and logic skills will help them make good decisions beyond their careers.  Having studied the math and tackled it, they’ll have more self confidence to tackle other things and succeed – more than they thought they could.”

Man, is she right!  When I was a graduate student at Harvard, I came across the term “math phobia”.  It was bandied about by women.  Some of the smartest women I’ve ever met struggled with basic statistics because of math phobia.  A few of them were so afraid of math that they almost became paralyzed into inaction.  They simply believed they could not learn it.

I’m no math whiz myself.  I’m a language guy.  I like to write.  I got B’s and C’s in my undergraduate Calculus and Statistics courses.  However, when I got to Harvard, I decided that I was going to learn the math.  And I did.  I got a 97 on my statistics final.  Of course, I wasn’t suffering from math phobia.

That’s why I think that Ms. McKellar’s book is so important.  She is helping girls and young women learn the truth about math – it’s just another skill to master.  And in many ways, mastering it is not so tough.  Math is not ambiguous.  There are some hard and fast rules.  If you learn these rules, you’ll master math.  From what I can tell, Ms. McKellar is using some pretty innovative ways to teach the logic behind the rules.  And for that I say “bravo!”

The common sense point here is simple – face your fears and deal with them.  If you need help, find it.  If you’re a woman who struggles with math, read Math Doesn’t Suck. 

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com to subscribe to my monthly ezine and for more common sense.  Check out my other blog: www.CommonSenseGuy.com for common sense advice on leading people and running a small business.

I’ll see you around the web, and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand – my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.